OOPSIE!
by Emma Barrows
Summary: How many ways can you get Malfoy to scream like a girl?


"OOPSIE!"

"Hey! Guess what today is?" asked one of my best friends, Ron Weasley as he sat down across from me at the Gryffindor table.

"Hmm…The day you actually do homework?" I asked, teasingly.

Ron scowled at me.

"No…April Fools Day!" he cried eagerly.

Harry Potter, my other best friend, looked eagerly at Ron.

"Really? Wow. We're going to have to come up with an idea to get back at Malfoy," he said, conspiratorially.

I raised an eye at Harry.

"Don't tell me you're into this,"

Harry looked at me. His emerald green eyes were twinkling mischievously.

"Oh very much so. I got Dudley once, but paid the price," he said, sighing.

"What'd you do?" Ron asked, eagerly.

"Told Dudley that his parents were moving and to wait by this location. Meanwhile, it was a homosexual bar," 

Ron burst out laughing.

"When Dudley came home, his parents wanted to know why he had the phone numbers of Bud, Cecil and Mo," Harry said, breaking into a grin. "But Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia locked me in the room for a week." 

His grin faded.

Ron was laughing even harder now. I had to admit it was kind of funny.

I shook my head.

Once Ron calmed down, his eyes lit up. He got that look that says, "I've got an idea".

"Hey, I've got the perfect idea!" he cried eagerly.

Harry leaned forward.

"Let's put glue on the toilet seat! And when Malfoy sits down…" he made a sucking noise.

Harry burst out laughing.

"Perfect! Where are we going to get the glue?"

"Honestly. The only glue that would work is Madam Lasener's EZ Glue. That stuff's like cement," I said.

"Do you have some?" Ron asked.

I looked at him as a-matter-of-factly.

"Yes. I do,"

"Great. We need it," Harry said.

Sighing, I reached into my bag and pulled out the small tube. I handed it to Harry.

"Thanks, Mione," He said, winking at me.

"Let's go!" Ron said.

"Hold it. How are you going to make sure Malfoy goes in?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

"Hmm…Give him a prune?" Ron suggested as he gestured to the platter filled with prunes.

"Yup!" Harry said, grabbing five.

They jumped up from their seats and went over toward the Slytherin table. When Malfoy wasn't looking, they dropped them onto his plate. Ron headed off to the boy's bathroom, while Harry returned to Gryffindor table and sat down beside me.

"So, what are you up to?" he asked, nonchalantly.

"Watching my two best friends act juvenile," I replied, but felt a grin forming. "But it's hilarious."

Harry grinned also.

About ten minutes later, Ron returned along with Professor McGonagall. She wasn't at the head table. The tube was completely empty.

"Okay. All five seats are gluified," he replied grinning.

"And Malfoy's about to let loose," Harry said.

We watched as Malfoy cringed and left the hall slightly bent over.

"And contact in…"

"Three minutes," I said. "How fast that glue set?"

"Immediately," I replied.

"Excellent!" Ron laughed.

Sure enough, three minutes later, we heard a scream that sounded like a woman, then, Malfoy came running into the Great Hall with one of the toilet seats stuck to his but. His pants were around his ankles.

"Help me!" he shrieked in a prissy little girls voice.

The hall was quiet, then exploded into hysterical laughter.

Malfoy kept trying to keep 'all things' covered.

"I'll be dammed! Lookit! Malfoy loved the potty so much, he wanted to take it with him!" a Ravenclaw boy cried.

More laughter.

"It's more like the throne!" A Hufflepuff girl cried.

Malfoy kept dancing around in a circle as if he was stepping on hot embers.

Finally, Professor Snape got up from the head table and grabbed him, leading him out of the Great Hall.

Ron and Harry were rolling. I too, was laughing.

Once they were out of the Hall, Harry leaned forward.

"I've got a few more ideas on how to get him," he said, grinning.

"What are they?" I asked.

"Let's just say, a little attention never hurt him," Harry grinned.

HARRY.

While Malfoy was showering, trying to get the glue off his but, I snuck into the shower room. I grabbed his clothes and hid them under my robes. I snuck back out and entered the classroom. I sat down nonchalantly and apologized to Professor McGonagall for being late.

Ron met my eye. I nodded and grinned.

Malfoy entered fifteen minutes later. He had his shorts on, but what got the classes attention, was that he was wearing a woman's bra!

The boy's whistled at him.

"Potter!" Malfoy snarled, but he was blushing at the same time. "I saw you!"

Someone reached up behind Malfoy and snapped the strap. 

"Hey!" Malfoy cried, doing a pirouette in the air.

While his back was to Dean, Dean snapped it.

Again, Malfoy spun around.

"Mr. Potter. Please give Mr. Malfoy back his clothes," Professor McGonagall said, her lip twitching.

"I'm getting the hots for the hot chick!" Seamus cried, making googly eyes at Malfoy.

"We know your secret now," Lavender giggled.

Malfoy quickly pulled on his shirt and uniform and then sat down at his desk in a hurry and just stared at the desk.

A boy from Ravenclaw leaned forward and pinched Malfoy.

"Whoo! I think I'm going to take this little studmuffin home with me! Ma would just love him!" the boy squealed in a hillbilly voice.

That set the class off rolling.

Malfoy glared over at me.

"Awww…he's got the hots for Harry! Well, he's going to have to fight for you!" the boy continued. "You're just precious!"

Blushing and angry, Malfoy got up and left.

Laughter was following him.

After Transfiguration, we headed to Potions.

En Route, when we were walking down the corridor, Mrs. Norris spied Malfoy. The next thing we knew, she jumped on his face and dug her claws in. Malfoy screamed again and ran in a circle screaming, "Get it off! Get it off! Get if off!"

Mrs. Norris was screeching.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

Finally, Mrs. Norris let go and ran down the corridor, her tail held high.

Malfoy again, glared at us.

"What did you do, Potter?"

"Nothing…this time. Maybe she just wanted to give you some lovin'" Ron suggested.

Harry and I giggled.

Malfoy glared at us again and stalked off down the corridor.

"Wait…the best is yet to come," Ron said, grinning.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, as we entered the classroom.

"Before I came back with the glue, remember McGonagall wasn't at the head table?"

We nodded.

"That's because she was in her office. I asked her if she would mind playing a prank on Malfoy. She agreed. Just wait!" Ron laughed.

We sat patiently in Potions.

An hour into Potions, Professor McGonagall entered.

"Can I help you, Professor?" Professor Snape asked, looking up.

"No. It's okay," she said, then her eyes moved onto Malfoy.

"COME HERE MY HONEYBUNCH!" she cried, extending her arms out at him.

Malfoy leaped out of his seat and ran around to the front of the classroom.

"DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN! I MISSED YOU! CUPCAKE! WE HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR US! WHAT ABOUT THOSE MAGICAL NIGHTS?"

Malfoy looked terrified and ran over to the Gryffindor's side.

"MY MAN!" Professor McGonagall cried following him with her arms still extended. "PINCHIE PINCHIE!"

Malfoy kept trying to get away, but McGonagall kept cornering him.

I had my head buried into my arms and tried not to laugh out loud, but it was hard.

Ron and Harry were beside themselves. Ron let out a snort and that set us off more. The whole class was laughing hysterically. Professor Snape was scowling.

"SNOOKUMS! PLEASE!" McGonagall said.

Finally, Malfoy turned and ran screaming blindly out of the classroom.

McGonagall immediately returned to her posture and cleared her throat.

"Thank you Professor for your time," she said, calmly and left the classroom.

"QUIET YOU HALFWITS!" Snape roared.

It took the class a good five minutes to settle down and concentrate on their work with the occasional snort of laughter, which was quickly silenced by Snape's glare.

Still rolling with laughter when we left, Ron turned to us.

"What did you think?"

"Awesome!" Harry laughed.

"Hermione?"

"Hysterical. I never thought Malfoy could run that fast," I laughed.

"There's one thing we've got to worry about," Ron said slowly.

"What's that?"

"If Malfoy gets us back,"

While walking to dinner, Professor McGonagall spied Malfoy. He looked up and gulped.

"POOKIE! I NEED A BOOTY FAVOR! PLEASE? COME HERE! I NEED A BOOTY FAVOR AND I NEED IT NOW!"

Malfoy took off as McGonagall chased him again with her arms open.

Ron, Harry and I laughed.

"That'll keep him busy," I laughed.

We went down to dinner. While eating at the Head table, McGonagall looked over at Malfoy and waved her hand flirtatiously at him.

Malfoy sank under the table.

"I wonder if he knows we put her up to it?" Ron mused while Harry snickered with laughter.

"I dunno," Harry mused. "So far, this has turned out to be the best April Fools day."

Malfoy cornered us while heading up the common room.

"You've got to help me! She's gone bonkers!" Malfoy cried.

"Sorry, Malfoy…what? You don't like your new girlfriend?" Ron asked, mockingly.

Suddenly, anger flared in Malfoy's eyes.

"You did this…you put her up to it, didn't you?" he hissed.

"April Fools!" Harry laughed.

"I'll pay you back…mark my words," he sneered as he turned and left.

McGonagall was watching.

"He knows," Ron called to her defeated.

She nodded and grinned as she left the Hall.

We all headed up to the common room.

"Okay…I'm a little worried now. I hope Malfoy doesn't do anything rash," I said, slowly.

"Don't worry," Harry said. "I doubt he's got the mental capacity."

"You never know," I said, slowly.

The next day at breakfast, we got the shock of our lives. Professor Dumbledore was wearing a pink flowery dress, a blond curly wig and high heels.

Everyone looked at each other with dropped jaws.

"You will address me today as Bambi," Professor Dumbledore said.

Giggles started going around.

Professor Snape was looking at him with a shock expression.

"Professor…" Snape began, but Dumbledore shook his head.

Just then, McGonagall spied Malfoy.

"MALFOY! MY HUNKY MAN! GET OVER HERE!"

Malfoy looked shocked and then began sliding under the table.

McGonagall got up from the head table and started walking up the aisle between Ravenclaw and Slytherin's tables. She reached the spot where Malfoy was sitting and went to grab him. Malfoy leaped out of his seat and ran around the table, with McGonagall at his heels. They circled Slytherin's table a few times.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Malfoy cried.

"BUNNY POO! COME TO ME! I'VE MISSED YOU! WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME? THAT HURTS!" McGonagall shouted next, as they circled the table for the 3rd time.

The Hall was rolling.

"SOMEONE GET HER AWAY FROM ME! SHE'S FLIIPPED HER WIG!" Malfoy cried as they circled the table for the 5th time.

"POOKIE POO! I NEED YOU TO HELP ME SHAVE MY PITS AND BIKINI AREA!" Professor McGonagall cried.

Malfoy screamed again. It sounded like a prissy little girl.

"Professor McGonagall! What is the meaning of this!" Professor Snape bellowed suddenly.

Finally she caught up with Malfoy.

She grabbed him and tried to kiss him, but he kept squirming and thrashing trying to evade her grip.

"SOMEONE GET HER OFF OF ME!" Malfoy yelled.

Finally, McGonagall released Malfoy. His robe was tousled.

"You need therapy! You've gone off the deep end!" Malfoy said. "I thought it was an April Fools prank!"

"It is. I just decided to take it further," McGonagall grinned. "But, relax. I'm done."

She walked up to the Head table and sat down.

Dumbledore turned to the students.

"I have a question that I need your opinion on…should I wear a pink bra, or white?"

Everyone burst out laughing.

Nearing the end of the day, April Fools was almost over. Everyone had their fun of pulling pranks and began returning to normal…but I had no idea Malfoy had it in for Harry and was about to pull the best and worst prank yet.

All through out dinner, Malfoy kept oddly glancing at Harry and whispering to Crabbe and Goyle and then he'd watch Harry more.

After eating a beef casserole, Harry suddenly clutched his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Ron asked, his fork half way to his mouth.

"I think I need to use the rest room," Harry said, as he leaped to his feet and hurried out of the Great Hall. Malfoy got up and followed him.

"Uh oh. What's he up to?" I asked.

"I dunno," Ron mused.

About three minutes later, Crabbe and Goyle got up and waved their wands at a flag and it went totally white. Then, a picture came on. It was the inside of the bathroom. The Hall was quiet.

"Blimey! It's a movie!" Ron cried.

Everyone watched as Malfoy stepped deeper into the bathroom. The picture changed to looking over a stall door.

"He's got a muggle camcorder! How'd he sneak that in here? It's not supposed to work!" I hissed, but then froze.

Harry was sitting on the 'throne'.

The Hall started to giggle quietly.

We could hear everything, including a raspberry sounding noise.

That set the Hall off more. Laughter was ringing out.

"Drop…drop you foul submarine…Dive! Dive!" we heard Harry hiss.

Laughter ran out more. Ron even was laughing hard he was slapping the table.

I was blushing and sliding under the table.

After more cursing, we heard the 'plop' sound.

Everyone roared.

Harry looked up.

"MALFOY!" he bellowed.

Ron turned to me beet red from laughing.

"Look on the bright side…at least the submarine dove,"

"Ron, that's nasty…just nasty,"


End file.
